I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
