I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
