I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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