Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
