I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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