my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
