i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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