I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
