It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
