Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
