I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
