Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
