so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
