Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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