Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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