One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
