She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
