How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
