next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
