Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
