I need help removing her.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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