Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
