I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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