My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
