I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
