if you like me you must not know who I am
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
