I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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