Ambien. No doubt about it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
