Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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