Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
