How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
