Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
