As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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