I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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