Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need a beard to bite.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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