I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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