the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
