I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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