A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
