i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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