I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
