I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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