The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
