He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
