yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
