he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
love makes seman taste better
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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