and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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