So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
