you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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