you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
