i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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