3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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